The JJW Blog

The evil of the unexpected 6 month breakup

A couple of years ago I was in a an open affectionate and GGG (Good, game, and giving, Savage lingo) relationship with a girl when I noticed something that bothered me.   She was a bit passive aggressive and was intruding on my business a bit too much. Instead of calling it explicitely to her attention I just kind of vaguely mentioned it and then when I got fed up with it I decided to break up with her.   That was cruel.   What was even more cruel was that I did it out of the blue when she came over one night.  She was crushed.   She drove home alone and didn’t call me that night.  I wonder how much pain she experienced that night?  Tonight I found out when a close female friend knocked on my door at 11pm because she had just been dumped out of the blue by her boyfriend out of the blue after 6 months.  They had also had an open GGG sort of relationship and she was crushed.   I saw first hand how a “breakup out of the blue” affects women and the excuses that men make.

Her boyfriend had told her tonight that this happens to him all the time, he hits a wall where he can’t go any further and he can’t explain it.   This lame and naiive, “it just happens” to me male (mostly) self-diagnosis is something that I have come to disdain after hearing it lambasted on the Savage love podcast again and again.  I am not against people dating casually of course.  But it is irresponsible and destructive to date somebody knowing full well that you have a problem with lasting past a few months, and then never taking some action with that knowledge like  a) keeping it causual and letting your partner know you only date a few months at a time b) coming to terms with the underlying issues why you can’t last past 6 months and trying to get past them.

Women (or men of course) who are dropped suddenly are often put through an emotional hell as they deal with being dumped and all that entails.  Tonight my friend was angry and unconsolable, almost like somebody had died.  I had to sit there with her in my arms, then deal with her getting up and pacing my house in anger, wanting to do something to take away the pain.  She drank too much and got on the verge of being drunk and then got sadder and sadder, more angry, wanting to hurt herself or somebody else.  I tried talking to her and making her drink water but things were getting worse and worse.  So we came up with a rather extreme solution.   I drove her to her boyfriend’s house and told her to go in and spend the night with him where he can see firsthand the destructive effects of his behavior and deal with it all night instead of sleeping soundly as I did the night I broke up with my girlfriend.   I had confidence that he would be as responsible of a caretaker as I was or I wouldn’t of done this.  I am writing this at 3:30 in the morning and she just texted me telling me that she is much better and sleeping soundly on his couch or something.

I plan to never again put a partner who I am in a successful relationship with through an unexpected breakup with no warning signals and you are not cool for not taking the necessary steps to make sure you never do either.